I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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