Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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