she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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