I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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