do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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