waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
