I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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