At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
