yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
