Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
