Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
