just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
