I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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