Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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