Got a toothbrush?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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