Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
