it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
