He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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