I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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