I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
