we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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