Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
