it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
