I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Someone signed my nipple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
