The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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