Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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