your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
