also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
