Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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