The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
