he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
