Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
