I think I won the penis lottery.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
