so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
