now i know why i became what i already was.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
