you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
