I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I believe in your delicious
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
