Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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