My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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