Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
