a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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