like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
