My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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