im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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