Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
