Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
