Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
