how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
