Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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