I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
