Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
