I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
