they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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