Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
