Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
