He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
